However there are also actions you might be unknowingly engaging in that can have an impact, on your partnership every single time. These behaviors are referred to as self sabotage. Its something that many of usre guilty of even if we do it without realizing it.
Could you please explain what self sabotage means?
As, per the Merriam Webster dictionary sabotage refers to an action or process that aims to hinder or cause harm to something. It involves an act of undermining with the intention of obstructing the achievement of a goal.
Self sabotage in essence refers to engaging in behaviors that're detrimental, to oneself or counterproductive, to ones goals. For instance if your objective is to cultivate an content relationship you may find yourself unintentionally self sabotaging by engaging in actions that you know displease your partner or by undermining the foundation of the relationship itself. Perhaps you catch yourself notice moments where you contemplate flirting with others and entertaining thoughts of infidelity.
Sometimes without realizing it or intending to harm your partner or relationship you might find yourself unintentionally undermining both.
Hopefully if you follow these seven guidelines you'll be able to embrace your happiness and discover the fulfilling relationship you truly deserve.
Here are seven instances of how you might undermine your relationship (and how to put a stop to it);
1. Reacting excessively due, to experiences.
At times when we've been deeply wounded or have just emerged from a marriage we make a promise to ourselves that we will never end up with someone again.
For instance lets say you were involved with a guy who cheated on you. As a result you firmly decide, "I will never allow myself to be with another cheating guy." Consequently in response you start dating someone who's genuinely interested in being, with you. He's a person. Tends to be quite intense and rushes the progress of your relationship.
Now the situation becomes overwhelming; it feels like theres no breathing space and things are moving quickly.. Suddenly without realizing it your efforts to protect yourself have inadvertently sabotaged your happiness.
It's understandable that you acted out of fear of experiencing pain.
Here's a suggestion to overcome self sabotage; Take some time for yourself. Reflect on what a fulfilling and healthy relationship means to you. Are you looking for someone who's constantly present showering you with attention or might that become overwhelming? Perhaps you'd prefer a balance, between space and a few shared date nights each week.
Take the time to confront and resolve any grievances that have caused you pain. Reflect on what you desire in a relationship rather than simply reacting to your past hurts.
2. Saying you’re too busy when he asks you for a date.
It's quite common for women to feel uncertain, about how interest they should express when they genuinely, like a guy. One example of this is when they claim to be too busy when he asks them out on a date.
They are often advised not to alter their plans, for their partner (because come on; "strong independent woman with a life!". The fear of being labeled as "whipped"). Truth be told it really depends on who you're what your usual patterns are.
Here's how to break that habit; If you're someone who frequently tells friends and potential partners that you're too busy it's time to make a shift. Saying "too busy" conveys the message that the other person's n't important to you.
If you desire love. Things are going well in your relationship prioritize the person you have feelings for in your life.
3. Acting as "boyfriend and girlfriend" before you are.
Another mistake (and a major turn off) is when someone starts acting as if you're already in a relationship, after a few initial dates.
Has this ever happened to you before? You connect with someone online and they immediately start bombarding you with calls, texts and even making plans, for the future before you've even met them in person.
To prevent this behavior; It's important to be aware of your actions and consciously stop yourself. Before things get too serious ( after the date) take a moment to slow down and envision how you would like the relationship to progress. Consider the indications that a relationship is becoming more significant and create a list.
For instance milestones, like the kiss spending a night at each others place or having the "define the relationship talk" can mark progress in a relationship. However it's crucial to approach these milestones. The first kiss doesn't automatically mean it's time for commitment or that you should bombard them with texts or expect them to attend events like your grandmothers funeral.
Plan out your expectations, in advance keeping them grounded in reality so that you don't find yourself feeling embarrassed or unintentionally sabotaging any progress you've made together.
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4. Not showing interest when you really are interested
You don't have to pursue someone. Its important to show them that you acknowledge their efforts and genuinely care about them. Playing hard to get can have consequences, on the relationship.
A good person will treat you with the level of importance, value and appreciation they extend to other significant people in their lives.
How to put a stop to this behavior; Be courageous even if it means facing the possibility of rejection. If you have feelings for someone and they're a person let them know. The right person will appreciate your honesty. If you're interested, in spending time with someone simply ask them.
It's important to avoid self sabotage because it often leads to rejection. Instead it's better to take a chance and potentially discover love in the process.
CheckOut: If You've Eagerly Anticipating a Proposal, Here Are Five Actions You Should Take Soon As Possible.
5. Acting indifferent as soon as you realize you really, really like a person.
It's interesting how people, women often display a sense of self assurance until they genuinely develop feelings, for someone. Have you ever found yourself in this situation?
Once you realize that you have feelings for someone all your insecurities tend to come to the surface. In order to protect yourself from hurt or rejection you might start behaving as if you don't care about them. Initially this behavior might seem endearing and even spark the persons interest, in pursuing you. However over time this act can become tiresome for people. They may eventually move on.
To put a stop to it; Consistency is key. Don't allow disinterest to hinder the pursuit of your aspiration. Stay true and steadfast in your affection, actions and words; this is the path, towards closeness. Remember, the person you're attracted to cannot read your thoughts.
6. Manufacturing "problems" in your relationship where none exist.
Have you ever instigated an argument because you didn't want them to perceive that you were more invested in them than they were in you?. Perhaps you're plagued by concerns of infidelity leading you to snoop through their phone and constantly bring up the topic?
To cease this behavior; Be mindful when you catch yourself fabricating issues with your partner (who has given no indication of any problems, in your relationship). Is this all happening inside your mind?
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Try not to create the very thing you fear by looking for problems that don’t actually exist. That is just classic self-sabotage and both of you deserve better.
7. Constantly testing your partner's love that they have for you.
Constantly trying to assess your partners love for you is not an approach. If you feel the need to test them or put them through tasks it may indicate that either the relationship isn't right, for you or that your own insecurities are causing issues. Quality individuals are not attracted to being tested.
When you engage in tests of love, loyalty or how well your partner understands you it can lead to self sabotage. Of resorting to measures it's important to communicate openly about your desires and needs. Testing someones love stems from insecurity and a lack of self love. Instead express yourself clearly and directly about what you want.
To break this pattern; If you feel the need for reassurance, in your connection focus on observing how your partner treats you on a basis. Pay attention to their words and actions that demonstrate love and care.
If someone continues to stay by your side despite how you treat them it doesn't necessarily indicate their love, for you. It may instead suggest that they are willing to endure mistreatment. Take a moment to reflect on why you would choose to be the person who mistreats their loved ones.
Self sabotage is something that can occur in relationships and it can manifest in various subtle manners.
Regardless of how wonderful and attractive you may be as an individual, both inside and out if your actions undermine the connection, with others it will come at a cost.