You might assume that the concept of cheating is straightforward and clear cut. Cheating refers to when your partner, in a monogamous relationship engages in activity with someone else... Right?
However the definition of cheating only appears uncomplicated until you find yourself in a situation where cheating is involved.
I've personally dated men who never engaged in acts with anyone other than me but the things they did with other women that were clearly not me still felt like betrayal. Or at least thats how I perceived it.
Each person has their own interpretation of what constitutes unfaithfulness(Cheating) within a relationship.
For some individuals it revolves around intimacy and sexual penetration. For others emotional betrayal holds significance than sexual activity.
It is widely known that men and women approach relationships differently. Taking this into account I decided to ask a group of men what actions they consider as cheating.
Here are four insignificant behaviors, by women that men view as forms of infidelity and why it deeply affects them;
1. Keeping secrets
Cheating is essentially anything you choose not to disclose to your partner. I don't mean this literally. Personal matters such, as your visit to the restroom the last time you engaged in self pleasure or even your intentions for purchasing a Christmas gift for your partner are not relevant, in this context. If you're hiding something, from your partner that involves another person because you fear it might be seen as cheating then yes it is considered cheating.
Anything that you feel the need to keep hidden or lie about from your partner qualifies as cheating.
During my conversations with men they expressed concerns about secrets and how they can harm relationships. For these men the benchmark for behavior that qualifies as cheating is keeping something they have done a secret from their partner.
In essence if they have done something that fills them with guilt to the extent that they want to keep it hidden it can be considered as infidelity.
This could involve an encounter of course. For some men it might be something like flirting with a co worker who later gave them her phone number. It doesn't even require acting upon it for them to consider it as cheating. This is worth considering because he may expect the same from you.
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2. Another aspect of cheating includes forming a connection with someone, other than your partner.
It refers to giving emotions or mental space to someone that should be dedicated solely to your partner.
"Some men, similar, to some women consider it cheating when they form a connection with someone, other than their partner, girlfriend or wife. In these situations things may never escalate into an affair."
When you choose to invest your time, emotions and energy in someone, other than your partner it can be seen as a breach of their relationship boundaries.
Lets be clear here; Men have emotions too. Hurting them doesn't necessarily require engaging in a relationship with another man.
3. Disregarding established agreements.
"I view cheating as any instance where you break the rules that both partners had agreed upon beforehand without discussing it. Communication is vital and even small lies can snowball into ones own. If something might concern the person it's best to address it rather than later."
"Anything that goes beyond the boundaries explicitly or implicitly set within the relationship. For example if you know your partner considers watching porn as cheating and you've both agreed not to engage in it (even if you personally don't see an issue) it would be unkind to go against that agreement."
Based on my interviews with men what constitutes betrayal in a relationship varies depending on the established guidelines, from the beginning.
In a relationship it's acceptable to engage in activities, with other people. However, if you violate another agreement, such, as not informing your partner about meeting someone that would be considered cheating.
In a relationship it is likely that a traditional approach would be preferred. If both partners agree that there should be no intimacy, with individuals of the same gender even acts like holding hands or kissing could be considered as infidelity.
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4. Having intercourse with someone else is undeniably viewed as cheating by many.
Opinions may differ regarding actions preceding, following or occurring in between those instances. Are subject to negotiation and personal interpretation.
This definition of cheating is not rigid but rather commonly held by individuals who engage in repeated acts of infidelity or those seeking some flexibility, in their relationships.