Friends are like the family members we get to choose. They are like a home to us providing comfort and support. Good friends have the power to turn our sadness into happiness and bring out the best in us. On the contrary toxic friends can be incredibly frustrating. Make us question our sanity in maintaining a friendship with them.
Friendship; Its Impact on Our Well being
Almost everyone has one person they consider a close friend. In the United States as per Gallup polling data from 2004, 98% of people admitted to having such a friend.
In a 2010 study that examined networks and their effects on individuals researchers explored aspects of social relationships. The study spanned a period of 7.5 years. Involved over 300,000 participants. By the end of this research they discovered that individuals who had social connections had higher chances of longevity.
Furthermore friends play a role, in helping us cope with stressors that we may encounter.
Psychologist Julian Holt Lunstad, from Brigham Young University in Utah suggests that when we face situations having supportive people in our lives can make those situations feel less stressful. This is because we have the confidence that we can handle them effectively.
Toxic Friendship
Toxic friendships on the other hand bring problems, rather than benefits. It's clear that they don't contribute to a life or better health in any manner.
Clinical psychologist Dr Andrea Bonoir states that toxic friendships can have an impact rather than being supportive. Dr. Bonoir adds that toxic friends can cause stress, sadness or anxiety and hinder growth.
One of the aspects of being, around individuals is that you may dislike the person you become when in their presence. Whether you try to impress them or avoid arguments by going along with their plans it often leads to unhappiness and sadness.
So how do you overcome this feeling? It's crucial to be selective in choosing your friends. Those who make you uncomfortable should not be a part of your circle. As for the friends you already have it may be necessary to cut ties with them as they can weigh you down and hinder your progress.
Below is a compilation of ten types of friends with whom it is best not to associate;
1. The Braggarts
These individuals may not even seek friendship; instead they crave an audience for their tales, about their supposedly amazing lives.
If you realize that your friendship only consists of you being their cheerleader and nothing else then it's probably an idea to part ways with them.
2. Those individuals who always seem to find something to complain about
They resemble the ones but, with an added twist; when things are relatively fine they still manage to find fault and complain. It seems like nothing is ever satisfactory for them. Dealing with their grievances can be quite exasperating. The best course of action is to distance yourself from them and focus on moving in your life.
3. The ones who lack support
Having someone in your corner is crucial for everyone. It's not unreasonable to expect your friends to be supportive of your endeavors even if its not assistance that you seek (though they probably won't offer that either). You simply need someone by your side during moments in life.
If these individuals are the friends you have then unfortunately you can rest assured that your 'corner' will always remain empty and likely gather cobwebs because they will never show up or be there for you
4. The ones who cannot be relied upon
If what you desire is disappointment then these individuals are perfect candidates, for that role. However if you're seeking a modicum of support or assistance it would be best to look. These people won't lift a finger for you under any circumstances.
The astonishing aspect is that they make all these promises to support you. Unfortunately their actions do not align with their words. It's truly a disappointment and a waste of time to ever depend on them.
5. Hypocritical individuals
Nobody likes a hypocrite. One moment they're presenting facts and figures. Telling you why you shouldn't engage in actions but then they turn around and do the exact same thing. Not do they engage in it themselves. They also expect you to be completely fine, with it and fully supportive of their actions.
6. Those who make you feel inadequate
When discussing friends " it's impossible not to mention those who constantly belittle you at every opportunity. They seem incapable of refraining from insulting you at any given moment. Initially you might have brushed it off as a joke or something harmless. Over time it becomes more evident until you find yourself trapped in a cycle of mental abuse.
7. The dependent ones
These individuals bring along drama, with them. They constantly rely on you to do things for them even the smallest tasks that they should be capable of handling themselves are dumped onto your shoulders. When circumstances prevent you from assisting them they go out of their way to make you feel awful.
Julie Ward, a relationship coach based in Toronto refers to these types of friends as "energy suckers." She explains that "they are always demanding things from you and taking up amounts of your time."
Being, in the presence of that individual is draining. After spending any amount of time with them you can't. Feel completely depleted. It has a way of consuming your energy " she expressed.
8. The negative ones
These individuals aren't just the type who see the glass as half empty. They are fully immersed in negativity. Their flair, for drama means they tend to blow things out of proportion. Nothing you do ever seems good for them. They always manage to find the downside of every situation making you feel terrible about it. Spending time with them leaves a taste in your mouth.
9. The self centered friends
While its not ideal to keep tabs on how times you've helped your friends some take it to a level. They expect you to go above and beyond for them dropping everything as soon as they call. When you need their support they are nowhere to be found. It can drive anyone crazy! You deserve treatment than what they offer. No one would blame you for distancing yourself from such friends.
10. The envious friends
A envy now and then can be endearing... But not, in this case. These individuals take jealousy to a level.
Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and therapist explains that these individuals who exhibit jealousy tend to undermine your friends in your presence hoping that you will distance yourself from them and solely focus on the person. They may even assert that you are their source of support discouraging you from forming relationships, with others. These individuals excel at making others feel guilty in a manner.
So once you've realized that your friend is toxic what should you do next?
It may seem tempting to try and change them. Unfortunately thats unlikely to work out in the run. They might put on a facade of improvement. Ultimately they will revert back, to their toxic narcissistic behaviors. The best course of action for your well being is to distance yourself from them.
To start establish some boundaries so they can adjust to the fact that you won't always be readily available for them. You may need to handle this. If they inquire about your actions make it clear that you simply need some personal space. Begin spending time with people preferably those who don't go out of their way to make you feel bad.
Keep in mind the words of Karl Marx; "There comes a point, in life when you have to let go of all the drama and the people who thrive on it. Surround yourself with those who bring joy and laughter into your life much so that all negativity fades away and only positivity remains. All life is too short not to strive for happiness."It's a way to summarize the subject."
In the end you simply need to change your approach when it comes to dealing with these types of individuals. Best of luck as you embark on forming friendships. Hopefully this time you select people who will truly be valuable and worth your time.